shadesfalcon:

I want to talk about Clint’s reaction in the last gif there, because his whole body throws a fit. He literally slams himself back against his seat.

This is an Agent. A sniper. An acrobat. This man has complete control of his body. Excessive moment and noise is not a luxury he can afford, but his entire body is thrown into this expression of anger.

And yet he flies away.

This is the Clint Barton that I love. He is being torn apart by the sudden disappearance of one of the most important people in his life, and he still flies away, because the mission comes first.

It reminds me of the scene where he’s standing in the rain, ready to put an arrow through Thor. Clint didn’t want to take that shot. His eyes pierced through Odin’s decree and saw a god, whether he consciously knew it or not. But if Coulson had ordered him to take that shot, you can bet your ass he would have.

Clint isn’t a soldier. He was a carnie, a con man, a thief, and an agent. “No man left behind” is not a mantra he was ever taught to uphold.

A lot of SHIELD is military, though. I bet the first time Clint abandoned a friend to finish a mission he got cold shoulders and harsh words.

“Don’t you feel anything!” an ex-Ranger spits. “You had the chance to go back. You could have risked it!”

“The mission wasn’t ‘get everyone out alive,’ ” Clint responds calmly. “It was ‘get the asset out alive.’ ”

His superiors tell him he did the right thing. It makes him a great Agent, but it doesn’t make him a lot of friends. He doesn’t ever explain how doesn’t go back for people because he trusts them. Because he trusts them to take care of themselves. Because he trusts them to care more about the mission than their own lives.

The sudden arrival of Natasha is touchy. It’s the deepest connection he’s had with anyone since Barney, and he prays to every god he’s ever heard of that he’ll never have to leave her behind.

Which is a ludicrous impossibility.

Eleven months later he flees North Korea with a hard drive clutched in his hands and his partner still in a prison cell. When he makes it across the border, he finds a warehouse to wait for his extraction team, and just paces back and forth.

It’s the closest he ever comes to going back for someone before the mission is completed.

But he trusts her.

When the rescue team finally pulls her out, she’s bad enough that they take her straight to medical. No visitors.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

When he’s finally allowed in, he stands at her bedside at attention, hands clasped to his sides.

“Clint,” she says, and she’s eying him warily. “What the hell are you doing? You’re standing there like you think I’m about to take you apart.”

“I left you behind,” he says simply. If this is going to be the end, he wants it be as clean a break as possible.

“I know,” she responds. “Thank god. When I saw you get out with the hard drive, I was terrified you’d do something stupid like try and come back for me. Glad to see you have more faith in me than that.”

The deep breath of relief that he takes tastes sweeter than he knew air could taste.

It’s not the last time he has to leave her behind, and she returns the favor often enough. So when a flying fucking robot snatches her out of the air, and his Captain orders him to safety, it’s no different.

But it doesn’t change how it twists his heart to fly away. There are some things you just never get used to.